Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Writer's block


I really hate to admit this. I am against writing something so demotivating. But I can't deny it anymore. I'm having another bout of writer's block! Seriously, even if I forced myself to write, I could not do it or would not do it. Like this entry. I have been planning to update my blog for quite sometime. I logged on, opened up a new post, fingers on the keypad and ended up staring blankly at the screen. It's just not happening!

Suddenly I came to a realisation that - I CAN'T WRITE!

I have 3-4-8 story ideas in mind. But I just cannot commit myself to any of them! Kiki No.5. Ada & Evan, Saga Ophir. Amar. Hero Hikayat. 365 1/4. Advencer Seorang Beruang. Gadis Klasik. Bukan Hero. Bukan Nama Sebenar. And a few others. It's not that I don't have the time. Or space. Or purpose.

I just don't have the will. And the inspiration. And the thrill.

I JUST CAN'T WRITE!

Maybe not yet.

I've lost my muse. And I CAN'T WRITE!

The last time this happened, it took me almost one year to recover. That was after L.U.V.E. I couldn't really write anything proper after my first book. Poetry? Too mushy. Blog updates? Too technical. Another book? I can't place a word.

Sepertinya, waktu ku tulis akhiran L.U.V.E. itu, L juga turut ternoktah di situ. Seolah-olah ku tulis L.U.V.E sehabis nyawa seorang L. Untuk L.U.V.E., L lah muse ku. Sebab L, ku menulis L.U.V.E. Dan selepas itu L hilang. Tak kunjung kembali lagi.

I just can't write anymore.

But of course, the were other circumstances which hindered me from continuing with the second book. I was promoted and transferred. I had to move to a new place.

I was alone. Without L. Without a muse. And I was scared to write again.

And then came N.

She was in a relationship with someone. Then she's not. Then she's back with him again. Then she's not. She's on. Then he's off. Again and again and again.

But I think I was in love with her, secretly but openly. Macamane tuh?

She became my muse for 1 4 3.

But she left for UK before I finished my second book. I never told her my feelings for her. It didn't matter. Just the thought of loving her was enough to sustain my fantasy - in this context, creativity, bukan mimpi basah occay! It kept me going through hours of late night writing and countless days of re-writing.

On her last day, I only said, "Thank you for letting me be your friend."

And after that, I managed to finish 1 4 3.

It has been two months now and I haven't done any serious writing as yet.

I had quit my previous job. Got myself another job, which by the way, was unexpected. Luckily I didn't have to move.

But I just couldn't really write.

Again, I have lost my muse.

Maksudnya, ku harus jatuh cinta lagi?

Siapakah?

huahuahua

7 comments:

peace_bbj88 said...

truskan la menulis ..
bab ckp owang2 dulu2 ...
sikit2 lamer2 jadik la 1 buku ...
n then abeh kan kesah ada & evan ..
xkesah la lmbt janji abes =)

arissa said...

carilah seorang lagi ntuk jadi sumber inspirasi dan teruskan menulis..
kadang2 yang terbaik itu memang lambat kita miliki tapi hasilnya nanti sgt menakjubkan..
pray the best 4 u
INSYAALLAH

Pingu Toha said...

owh! thanksmuch peace n arissa! ku sedang berusaha mencari ilham. tp bulum ada rezki. terpaksa lah bersabar. huahuahua

ku sangat ingin menulis tapi betapa sukarnya... owh~

tukang cop setem said...

maknanya pingu kena jatuh cinta setiap kali ingin menulis??
hmm....

airayaya said...

Maybe u need a sweet escape? 0_o

Pingu kena tenang dan jangan fikir byk sgt pasal kerisauan tu, wat la benda lain dlu smentara ngah tggu ilham smpai.
Sbb selalunya kalau desak diri sendiri dan selalu sgt fikir dan risau pasal "knp la idea ni x dtg2? knp la ssh sgt nk menulis?", lagi la susah nak menulis/idea x dtg2.

It's always happen to me, everytime I really want to write a new song lyric. Mmg tension! ==' Tp bila x fikir pasal tu, sbb sibukkan diri dgn perkara lain, tetiba je idea mencurah smpai 2-3 lirik leh siap :D

*cecey, 'pandai' tol nasihat org =='

Pingu Toha said...

ku memang sa-orang pencinta bersiri. huahuahua

tapi bukan playboy. tak layak jadi playboy pun. huahuahua

insyaALLAH ku akan berusaha menulis lagi.

:)

peace_bbj88 said...

same2
chaiyok2 ...
aja-aja fighthing =)
sapot en pingu d alam maya ...
[saksikanla adaMaya kt tb3 , ekss salah promote plak ] ;D