It's actually quite easy for me to be angry with people. But I don't really let it out to them. I don't really feel good being angry. I'm uncomfortable with that kind of feeling. It makes me 'jahat'. But it's also not good keeping all rage and frustration inside. It will consume you, eventually.
So when I'm angry at someone, I just play out a scene in my mind. A dramatic one, that is, with me venting all those emotions toward that particular person I'm angry with. Macam dalam filem Hollywood lah! In most of the scenes, someone will end up being all teary, delivering the final line - with the likes of 'I'm leaving' or 'It's all your fault' or 'Are you happy now?' - before slamming the door in the other's face.
Then I feel good. But it doesn't last.
The rage lingers.
And it will be quite some time before I can really get it out of my system.
But the rage lingers. Oftentimes I find myself rewinding back to the scenes. The emotion intensifies.
It's not good. I know.
Many a time, I try not to get angry, not letting the rage gets the best of me. Istighfar banyak-banyak. Cuba faham keadaan orang tu. Try to be positive.
Ku terpaksa pendam. I have to. And the rage lingers. It's not good. I know.